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I Can't Make This Stuff Up!

by Colleen Lawler

When listing a house, I advise sellers to contact me if someone knocks on their door and wants to see the house.  I caution them that they should not let strangers in the house in this day and age.  But we live in the Midwest, where people are friendly and trustworthy.  Sellers humor me by pretending to follow my advice.

One of my dear sellers told me a nice lady from Kansas City wanted to see her home, and her husband obliged and showed her the house.

My dear seller was quick to point out that I shouldn't worry about her safety.  After all, the potential buyer was from Kansas City, a fine place full of fine people.

2 days later I received an email from the same dear seller.  It read:

"Hi Colleen,

We need a chain for the lockbox on the front porch.  The neighborhood kids were carrying it around last night and pretending it was buried treasure.  We found them, beat them severely and locked them in the basement.  Don't look behind the furnace if you come over.  They are next to the Kansas City lady that my husband let in the house."

I love my job!



A Vistor's Guide to Drving in St Louis

by Colleen Lawler

I received this as an email from my sister, who lives out of state...I think she is poking fun at us!  I wish I knew who authored this so that I could give proper credit.

If you live in St Louis you'll understand this.
If you've ever visited St. Louis you'll understand this.
If you've never been to St. Louis consider this your Visitor's Guide to Driving in St. Louis .

1. There are 75 "unofficial neighborhoods" in the City of St. Louis .  St. Louisans commonly give directions--especially for restaurants--to strangers based on these neighborhoods, which aren't marked on any maps that are handed out by the tourist board, the AAA or Mapquest.

2. There are 54 school districts--on the Missouri side alone--each of which has their own school bus system with scheduled times to block traffic.

3. There are 91 official municipalities in St. Louis County . Each municipality has its own rules and regulations, and often their own police departments.

4. More importantly, most have their own snow removal contracts so it's not uncommon to drive down a road in winter and have one block plowed, the next salted, the next piled with snow and the last partially cleared by residents wanting to get out of their driveways.

5. Snow plowing is never a problem in the City of St. Louis . They plow nothing, and if the forecast calls for snow, they close everything. Except on "The Hill" (refer to #1 above) where each homeowner goes out to the street and shovels out one car-sized rectangle and then stands watch over it.

6. Any car parked longer than 4 hours in the city is considered a parts store.

7. The City of Ballwin actually proposed that drivers use connecting strip mall parking lots to get from place to place rather than drive on Manchester road to cut the traffic on Manchester . (And for good reason. There is a stoplight at every intersection on Manchester ).

8. Laclede Station Road , McCausland, Lindbergh , Watson , Reavis Barracks, Fee Fee, McKnight, Airport Road , Midland , McKelvey, and Olive mysteriously change names as you cross intersections.

9. Gravois Road, Spoede and Chouteau can only be pronounced by St. Louis natives. (Highway 40 as is pronounced as "farty".)

10. A St. Louisan from South County has never been to North County and vise versa. West County just has everything delivered.

11. No native St. Louisan knows that Lindbergh runs from South County to North County . And if you tell them, they will not believe you.

12. Lindbergh belongs to every neighborhood except Kirkwood , who had the nerve to creatively change the name to Kirkwood Road ." (Which may be the reason for number 11.)

13. There are 2 interchanges to exit from Highway 40 onto Clayton Road and 2 for Big Bend . Stay alert, people!

14. If you need directions to O'Fallon , make sure to specify Illinois or Missouri . This is also true for Troy , Maryville , St. Charles , Springfield and Columbia .

15. The Page Avenue extension and Airport expansion projects took over 20 years to get approved. St. Louisans lost track of how many political figures claimed them as their own ideas.

16. St. Louisans were aghast when the federal government required them to redo the highway signs to indicate that the federal highways went to cities in other states instead of local municipalities.

17. Drivers are starting to cut their OWN plates rather than go through the Missouri Department of Motor Vehicles to get new tags. You can also purchase tags from dealers behind Quick Shops in the city. They are cheaper, the clerks are nicer, and the service is faster.

18. Lambert Field and St. Louis International Airport really are the same place. The East Terminal, however, is a different place.

19. Highway 270 is our daily version of the NASCAR circuit.

20. You can go all four directions on Highway 270: North and South in West County , East and West in South County , and East and West in North County. Confused? So are St. Louis drivers.

21. The outer belt is Highway 270 which turns into Highway 255 in South County . The inner belt is Highway 170. Highway 370 is an outer-outer belt. Highway 40 is the same as Interstate 64 (but only through the middle part of St. Louis ). If you are listening to traffic reports and they are calling it 64, the traffic jam is in Illinois . If they are calling it 40, the traffic jam is in Missouri .

22. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

23. Never ever try to cross a bridge in St. Louis during rush hour unless you have a sack lunch and a port-a-potty in the car.

24. "Yield" signs are for decoration only. No native St. Louisan will ever grasp the concept. (Actually, the drivers who are supposed to yield will not, and the drivers who are not supposed to yield will wait politely for the ones who are supposed to yield, so it all works out.)

25. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect, or has been on for the last 17 miles.

26. Construction on Highways 40, 64, 70, 255, 270, 44, 55 and 170 is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.

27. All blue-haired old ladies in Cadillacs driving on Olive west of 270 have the right of way.

28. If it snows or rains, stay home!!!!!!!!!!!!

29. It is called a rolling stop at any stop sign intersection. Only native St. Louisans can do it just right.

30. In West County, 20 cars will go through a yellow light. Longest yellow lights I have ever seen. If you slow or stop on a yellow light, you will get rear-ended or someone will angrily sound their horn at you.

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Photo of Colleen Lawler & The IrvineTeam Real Estate
Colleen Lawler & The IrvineTeam
Coldwell Banker Gundaker
111 Chesterfield Towne Centre
Chesterfield MO 63005
Office: 636-391-2100
Toll Free: 800-791-3276
Fax: 636-536-3018